Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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