I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
