At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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