Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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