One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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