It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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