Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
