speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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