He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
