I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
3pm strippers are depressing
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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