"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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