East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
