I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
