I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
