No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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