whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize