I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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