im drinking this country out of the recession.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
