I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
