Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
