No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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