Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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