My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
