so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
