Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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