Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
