I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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