sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
