I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
