I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
