I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
