Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
