my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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