Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
