how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
