I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
whose parrot is this?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
