This is not my ceiling
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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