I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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