Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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