Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
