Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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