your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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