I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
