o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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