I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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