If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
