My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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