I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
