She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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