he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Floor bacon is actually really good
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
