I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
