Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
