she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
