I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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