I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
