some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
