If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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