Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
