you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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