can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
