Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
