What a fucking waste of an outfit
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
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There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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